I’m coming out. Ok not like Anderson Cooper or George Takei….but I’m coming out. TODAY!
I am fiercely, and I mean FIERCELY protective of my personal life. Before I even began on a very public business journey, my decision was to keep my personal life private.
Everyone has a past. I have always said that the past is like your ass, it is behind you. Erika Lyremark (Stripper turned 7 Figure Business Builder) and I had a conversation not long ago when she said something about her own story that stayed with me. “If you don’t tell your story, someone else will.” I took that to heart.
This business year for me has been incredible and extremely public. I’ve had tremendous successes. I’ve experienced disappointments and setbacks. I’ve experienced radical and incredible acts of kindness and support. I’ve even had some people come out of the woodwork and attempt to take advantage of all of my hard work. To say it has been an amazing journey thus far is an understatement. I’ve never felt so amazing, empowered, knowledgeable and on solid ground in my whole life. I view my work as my ability to serve vs. my ability to get paid. Don’t get me wrong…I’m lovin’ getting paid for what I love to do, but knowing that my efforts are appreciated and working with people who energize me is truly priceless!
Everything and I mean EVERYTHING leading up to this very moment has made me who I am. Every single experience, interaction, choice in my life, achievement, failure, words spoken, even words not spoken make me who I am both professionally and most importantly personally.
One of my most monumental choices in my life was to become a mother at the age of 16. Many of those who have met me and/or met my talented son who is now in his 20’s (studying entrepreneurship & business surprise surprise!) do a quick look at my appearance, some quick calculations in their mind and almost 100% say, you can’t possibly have a child that old!!?? Everyone I talk to about it in person is positive, they admire all I have accomplished. Many are genuinely proud, as I am. It hasn’t always been that way.
I was a single teenage mother. I was on assistance. I lived in crappy places. I was deemed a drain on society, and a disgrace and threat to the religion I was born into. I embarrassed my parents who were prominent members in the church. I was considered a slut, someone to be avoided, and certainly not someone who had any chance to become anything in life. I was discounted and discarded. Teenage pregnancy is not glamorous. Being a single mother is not a party. Losing your friends and being alone is something no one should ever go through. Having to choose between food or rent is not a choice anyone should haven to make…especially on a regular basis.
Experiencing judgment from people who haven’t walked in your shoes and in some cases don’t even know you is painful. You are damned if you do choose to become a teenage mother, and damned if you choose not to become a mother after you become pregnant. Only thing is that one choice is more obvious than the other.
Let us look at what this experience GAVE me. In fact this is the experience that ANY SIGNIFICANT “TROUBLE” or LIFE CHANGE will give you!
Tiphani Montgomery, (aka successful entrepreneur, 7 time best selling author and motivational speaker) recently wrote a blog post about her similar experience and has an amazing project underway called Knocked Up, Now What?!? She is someone who has turned her “burdens into blessings” and I tremendously respect her for it. After speaking to her and reading her words she inspired me to tell my story without embarrassment and with pride. Read the article and prepare to be inspired!
I was a teenage mother. I have had a successful career. I am a CEO. I am an author. I am a speaker. I mentor and inspire people to do incredible things. I am a proud wife and mother of 3 gorgeous children. Everything I was, has made me who I am today. Everything you are, you are because of who you were. Make no apologies. Be you, 100% unapologetically, you!
Did you enjoy this post? Ever feel lost in the past? Did you really think your past didn’t give you strength? Need motivation to kick the past in the ass? Share this article with your network and encourage everyone to embrace, who they have become rather than living in the past! I’ve made it super easy for you. Click to Tweet or copy and paste your favourite social media sharable!
The past is like your ass, it is behind you. @AVV shares her coming out story. #Mentormondays http://ow.ly/cifD9
Be you. 100% Unapologetically YOU! @avv and her coming out story on #mentormondays http://ow.ly/cifD9
Everything you have been, makes you who you are today. @AVV on Trouble & Strength #mentormondays http://ow.ly/cifD9
Did you enjoy this article? Do you have a blog that is read by entrepreneurs and small business owners? Feel free to share this article as a guest post on your site! Just be sure to include the entire blurb below with it!
Anastasia Valentine is an award-winning product strategist, CEO of a fabulous marketing and PR agency, speaker, published author and mother. She has over 20 years achieving amazing results in bringing ideas and products to market in the high-tech, music and retail industries.
She works directly with amazing solopreneurs, entrepreneurs, and small, medium and enterprise-class companies across the globe. Her approach combines her knowledge, skills and experience fueled with her drive, a little tenacity and a lot of moxie to launch and build businesses! Visit Anastasia at www.anastasia-valentine.com
I Love your story, it is so inspiring! Thank you for sharing.
Anastasia, you inspire me! Thank you for gifting me with this today. I love your story, your words, your COURAGE.
LOVE, Rosa oxo
Loved this post Anastasia. I had the same conundrum when I started my business…how much to share…and when. But then I realized pretty quickly that almost all of my wisdom, resourcefulness, creativity, and ability to cut out the bullshit without a second thought comes from my challenges and risks earlier in life. And people will relate to that! I didn’t have a child as a teenager, but I did have to navigate the waters of being isolated with a mentally ill parent and then later as I tried to educate myself, living in a garage making similar “do I pay for food or rent?” decisions. I wouldn’t change any of it for the world, because it’s what made me who I am, and what allowed me to find happiness and success once I was able to get my ducks back in a row as an adult. It might not be a sexy story, but as with yours it’s a fundamental part of our ability to succeed. And I think telling our stories in bits and bites allows other people to connect and draw strength from their own, sometimes similar experiences. You are a true leader Anastasia. Great post.
Wahoo! Way to go and to not let situations become you – but rather learn from those experiences and let it drive you forward! Awesome awesome awesome. Thanks for sharing!
Whoa, I had no idea you had three children and one at such a young age!
Amazing what you have accomplished professionally and personally and may this be an example for everyone with “excuses”!
What an inspiring post . . . and I know in the middle of something as difficult as surviving as a single mother–or any difficulty that defies the “norm”–you experience all kinds of shame, guilt, frustration and isolation because no one knows exactly what you are going through, let alone dealing with the day-to-day trials of making things work! It’s so great to see someone come out the other side of that successful and thriving. I am sure your kids are very proud of you!
I have never known you well but have followed you for a long time and although I knew about your past, your attitude towards that (and everything) is what always surprises me.
Beautifully said, Anastasia. Hearing your story I automatically have a soft spot for you. I had my daughter Christmas break freshman year of college — perfect timing! I was able to go right back to school in the spring and with the love of some friends, my family, and my now husband everything worked out wonderfully.
Your reminder of the need to be resourceful is great for me right now as I am gearing up for another big life change…. Weeee!
There aren’t words to convey how much your post has touched me. It’s like you crawled into my head and put words to my past. I was a teenage mom who lost everyone etc and have crawled my way out and up. Thank you for your words, your inspiration and the light you’ve just shown. I deeply appreciate you.
Such an inspiration. No matter where we are in live and what obstacles (or blessings) are thrown our way, we can not only overcome them, but actually grow stronger.
Beautiful post, Anastasia. Truly a tribute to you and your character. Entrepreneurs are survivors, yes? Even in the face of great challenges. Your lessons are life lessons for all of us. I’m working on the “Freedom Means Letting Go” concept right now and it feels so LIBERATING.
Thank you so much for sharing YOUR story, Anastasia! I’m glad you did! This took courage and heart and you are beaming with it
My favourite line in your article, the one that really hit me was “Be you, 100% unapologetically, you!” I think that needs to be part of everyone’s mindset. We live in a society that conditions us to hide our flaws, our past, our quirks, and our failures – which then makes us block all that out instead of turning those into something that can actually empower us if we only accepted and embraced them.
LOVE this post. I’m not a mom but I’ve learned those same qualities you list through another tough way (I definitely know what it feels like to ask yourself “Okay, rent or food?”). It was painful, no doubt…but it also taught me a LOT of self reliance that I wouldn’t have otherwise, along with some other qualities. (After you’ve had to ask yourself “rent or food” a few times, most other problems just don’t see too awful
) Thanks for writing an inspiring post & for being awesome Anastasia!
Thank you for sharing your story. It was very inspiring.
Very touching and courageous. Congrats Anastasia:-)
Anastasia girl you inspire me. I think it’s incredible what you’ve accomplished with all the hardships I know you’ve had in your way. But you are right….and I LOVE this….’Your past is like your ass, it is behind you.’ !!
…btw, so am I …100%!
Cheers!
xo
Grinning for you! You put your heart & soul in the things you believe in and it shows!
Anastasia,
This is such an inspirational story filled with delectable quotes.
I especially loved ” Your past is like your ass, it is behind you.”
As I gear up to fully say adios to my past it is really fitting that I read this post. Yet also be reminded that everything I have been dealt / struggled with has helped shape who I am today
xo
Ashley
YOU inspire me! Love your work and authenticity. Thanks for “coming out!”
xo~ Loralee
Everyone. I cannot begin, or even fathom how to tell you how much each of your comments mean to me. I had prepared for backlash, violins, but never ever did I anticipate the amount of care, support and love that I would feel and receive.
To say that I am moved is an understatement.
You are all so amazing, incredible women. I feel so incredibly blessed right now.
Hugs and big MUAHS to all of you.
AV
Yes, girl! Yes! I love a girl with a murky troubled past. Because that’s who I am. Although it doesn’t actually sound like yours was that troubled. Only that you got in some trouble. And pissed some people off. Not the same thing at all.
Love this post!
Simply beautiful….you are an inspiration and a wonderful role model! The world needs more women like you!
Absolutely LOVE this post Anastasia….incredible. One of my favorite lessons listed that resonated with me was this:
“If it doesn’t serve you. Doesn’t inspire you. Doesn’t fuel you. Let it go. This includes belongings, experiences, jobs and even people. Let it all go with grace.”
With grace. Yes.
Thanks for sharing and you simply rocked it lady!
xo, Tina
Anastasia I love this post and now see you in the light you were meant to shine in. You have my utter respect. I was just 23yrs when I had my son, so not quiet as young as you but still a baby nonetheless. I was a single parent, had no money, no job, and was living off welfare. I had to make the same choices – pay rent or feed us. Whilst I had just graduated, it was in textile design and that was about as useful as a chocolate fireguard at the time! I retrained, said goodbye to my arty world and climbed my way up out of poverty by building a successful business and working for some of the UK’s leading brands. I totally agree with so much of what you wrote but especially: ‘Everything you are, you are because of who you were,’ and ‘Be you. 100%. Unapologetically YOU!’ Blessings and success to you and your family